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이토록 평범한 미래는 어떤 걸까?

 


단편 소설 묶음인 책 제목이 <이토록 평범한 미래>다. 여러 편의 단편 중에 첫번째로 수록된 글의 제목이기도 하다. 분명히 소설이라는 걸 알면서 읽는데도 불구하고 자꾸 나도 모르게 혼동스러웠다. 가장 큰 이유는 내용 전개가 제 3자 화법이 아닌 나라서였다. 더구나 뭔가 착각하게 나라는 사람이 어딘지 작가의 배경과 비슷하다는 착각을 했다. 처음에 읽으면서 소설이라는 점을 까먹고 읽었다. 일다보니 내가 읽고 있는 책이 에세이라고 착각하고 읽었다.


그러다 에세이가 아닌 소설이라는 걸 알게 되었다. 그렇다고 해서 딱히 달라질 것은 없다. 작가가 어떤 삶을 살아왔는지 나는 전혀 알지 못한다. 그러니 그가 어떤 말을 하든 나는 진실을 알 수 없다. 에세이로 자신의 진짜 이야기를 하든, 소설로 창작된 내용을 말하든 무슨 차이가 있었을까. 무엇보다 소설가라는 직업은 이야기꾼이다. 그가 하는 말이 진짜 사실인지 여부는 별로 중요하지 않다. 그가 쓴 글을 읽고 재미있고 색다르다면 그것만으로도 성공이 아닐까.


첫번째 에피소드는 뭔가 신비하면서도 허무하다. 나이 들어서는 몰라도 젊을 때는 괜히 염색적이고 신비로운 것에 관심이 간다. 젊음은 마음 것 발산할 수 있지만 거꾸로 볼 때 반대에게 강렬히 끌리는지도 모르겠다. 소설 속 주인공은 여자 친구랑 삼촌을 만난다. 둘은 사귀는 건 아니고 썸을 타고 있던 것이 아닐까한다. 어른이 볼 때 어떤 관계인지 한 눈에 알아봤는지 삼촌은 둘이 사귄다고 생각한다. 둘은 여러 이야기를 많이 나눈 듯한데 엄청난 말을 한다.


여자 친구가 자살을 계획하고 있다고 말한다. 이 말에 주인공은 얼핏 생각을 했을 뿐 직접적으로 함께 할 생각이 있던 건 아닌 듯하다. 그 친구는 엄마가 소설가였다. 유신 시절에 소설을 썼는데 판매금지당한다. 책이 나오자마자 판매금지를 당해서 전부 수거되었다. 그러니 책을 구할 수 없었다. 엄마도 책을 갖고 있지 못하니 읽고 싶어도 읽을 방법이 없었다. 삼촌이 출판사 관련된 일을 해서 혹시나 알까하고 찾아왔던 것이었는데 그런 말을 한 것이었다.


주인공은 시간이 지나 소설가가 되었다. 이런 표현때문에 결국에는 내가 속아넘어갔다. 또는 진짜인지도 모르겠다. 진짜일리는 없다고 본다. 본디 소설가란 자신의 모든 걸 글로 쓰는 직업이다. 자신에게 벌어진 온갖 것이 전부 소재가 된다. 자전적 소설이라는 표현이 있다. 어지간한 소설가는 대부분 자전적 소설을 하기 마련이다. 첫 데뷔작에서 쓰는 경우도 많다. 자신이 경험한 것만큼 더 확실하고 생생한 것은 없을테니 말이다. 가끔 그래서 놀라며 읽게 된다.


분명히 자전적 소설이라고 하는데 너무 날 것 그대로 쓸 때가 있다. 이 소설을 읽으면 가족들도 읽을텐데 괜찮나하고 말이다. 그만큼 솔직히 썼다는 생각도 들고, 소설은 소설일 뿐이라는 생각도 든다. 이토록 평범한 미래에서는 그런 생각을 한 가장 큰 이유는 바로 주인공의 여자친구는 결국에는 아내가 된다. 아무리 자신과 관련된 이야기를 쓴다고 해도 아마도 아내에 대한 이야기를 그렇게 밝히지는 못했으리라 본다. 자신의 일도 아니고 말이다.


더구나 자살을 계획했다는 걸 밝힌다. 지금의 자신 아내와 젊었을 때 서로 사귀면서 함께 동반자살을 계획했었다. 진짜로 그런 일이 있었다 하더라도 차마 그걸 소설로 밝힐 것 같지는 않다. 혹시나 진짜라면 김연수 소설가가 대단하다고 할 수 있다. 다시 소설로 와서 주인공은 당시에 우연히 길거리에서 지금으로 치면 '도를 아십니까?'와 같은 사람을 만난다. 그것도 한국이 아닌 외국 사람이다. 그와 만나 이야기를 나누고 예언을 듣게 된다고 해야 할까.


뭔가 좀 더 본격적으로 이야기가 흥미롭게 진행될 듯했지만 내가 읽은 건 단편이었다. 더이상 이야기를 끌고 가진 않는다. 거기까지 보여준다. 둘이 결혼해서 살고 있다고 하니 젊을 때 추억이라고 해야 할 듯하다. 엄마의 소설은 끝내 찾아나고 한다. 내가 내용 위주로 쓰긴 했지만 그보다는 존재에 대한 이야기를 한다. 제목처럼 미래는 생각보다 평범하다. 거청한 미래를 다들 꿈꾸지만, 또는 비참한 미래를. 시간이 지나 미래가 현재가 되면 알게된다. 그냥 평범한 오늘이 된다는 걸.


까칠한 핑크팬더의 한 마디 : 역시나 단편은 흐름이 끝어져서.

친절한 핑크팬더의 한 마디 : 단편이라 호흡이 짧다.

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